My pain is persistent – can you accept that?

A key message in successful pain management relates to the importance of acceptance. If we continue to focus solely on a ‘cure’, we are not accepting the persistence of our pain; in turn this can make the pain more difficult to manage effectively. Of course it is natural and instinctive that we seek relief from enduring pain. Something that is often ignored however is the importance of our loved ones also accepting that our pain is persistent.

I have been on the receiving end of many comments regarding both the continuation of my pain and my attitude concerning it. Some may be seen in the post Speech Bubbles. By stating that my pain is not likely to go away, I have been accused of attention seeking, lying, giving up, pessimism, malingering etc. The few positive responses I have received include being told that I’m brave (which I struggle with) or, recently, remarkable.

To have persistent pain is to struggle physically and mentally every day (and night). Accepting that is the case doesn’t mean I have given up on myself or my life. In pain management, it is supposed to become easier to successfully manage pain once you have accepted its persistent nature.

A difficulty that I’ve encountered, concerning this acceptance of the pain, is the willingness (or not) of others to also accept that my pain is persistent. It can be difficult to explain to loved ones that accepting the persistent nature of the pain is actually helpful, not maladaptive.

I appreciate that my friends and family do not wish to think that I am suffering. In some ways the difficulty is for them to ‘allow’ me to be in pain; to trust that I can manage my pain, however difficult my days and nights are as a consequence. Denying my autonomy in this way is detrimental to my pain management self-efficacy. We need to enable our support network to learn the tools of pain management alongside us so that the benefits of accepting persistent pain are shared.